you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
