he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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