Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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