During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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