I've blown a few things in my day
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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