he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
