Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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