even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
