I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
