You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
