forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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