This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
