I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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