theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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