I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
