I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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