So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
