Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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