I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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