OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He shit in the fireplace
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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