Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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