I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
