They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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