we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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