out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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