he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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