I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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