the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
