So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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