The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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