he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
