bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
