Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
