i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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