Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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