his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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