Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My liver just broke up with me...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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