yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
