he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
