I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
