Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
