dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
