let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
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I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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