I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
do herpes really smell.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
