Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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