Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
