I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
PANTIES FOUND
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
