i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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