I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
