I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
