I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it penis luge time yet?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
