Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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