can u get pink eye on your cock?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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