I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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