Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
