But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
