You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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