before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
high people should be assigned attendants
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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