Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
