His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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