Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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