Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
