you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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