soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this boner is exhausting
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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