so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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