Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish I only lived at night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
