If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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