apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
