She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
