If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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