Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
