i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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