Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
