Me too!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
