Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
someone owes me an orgasm
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
