For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I touched a dick in church today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
