if only i could text you this smell
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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