i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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