is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
