Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
