Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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