Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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