Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
