Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
