last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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