EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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