I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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