think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
