I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
