i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
